KPClerks not a crossover
by chefjet
Summary: A fic that never should have been.


KP/Clerks

By Chef Jet

Standard Disclaimer- I Don't own any of the properties ripped off in this piece of fiction. They belong to Kevin Smith, Disney and anybody else that I missed. Hope you enjoy (or tolerate) the nightmares that spill from my mind into this story. This is also my first attempt so don't be gentle, be rough, I need to improve and criticism is the only way.

**Ron**

Get up in the mornin' at the alarm clocks warnin' take the eight

**SMASH**

"I hate that fuckin song" came a mumble from a pile of cloths as an arm retracted back into the clothes.

No sooner had the clock radio been silenced then the sound of a muffled ringing erupted from under a pair of precariously thrown pants. Again the hand shot out and a blond head emerged from the pile as he pressed the receive button on the phone.

"ello" Ron Stoppable muttered

"What?" a pause "It's my day off." Another pause "Yeah, well I've got a game at 2. You'll be there by noon, you swear. Swear?" another pause. "Alright." Fumbling for the cradle he finally got the receiver back in before rolling onto his back knocking over a smaller pile of socks where an old naked mole rat came stumbling out stretching along with his master before climbing into a pocket on a pair of pants that Ron picked up a minute later and stumbled into on his way out of the room. It was just past six and as such neither of Ron's parents were up as he grabbed a microwave naco from the fridge while mixing a glass of chocolate milk in the head of the monkey that held the chocolate powder.

"Breakfast of champions" he said to Rufus with a faint smile.

Downing both he slipped a coat on over his lanky frame and grabbed the keys to his old dodge. The Middleton quick stop was only a short ten minute drive on the edge of Middleton near Upperton at the end of a strip mall that had been around since before Ron knew with a video store next door where Ron's friend Felix worked at and the hair salon at the end of the complex where Monique was currently working. Parking outside of the Quickstop Ron slide his lanky 6' 2" frame out of his car having gone through a growth spurt during senior year of high school. From this point it was all routine, open the door open the shudders to the window.

"Fuck" Ron shouted causing Rufus to scurry from his pocket.

"Gum, bunch of savages in this town." Ron muttered to his naked companion

'It's a meaningless end to the story

got no time for my forgotten glory  
and now just when I know what i'm after  
it just brings me to laughter'

"Tablecloth" suggested the naked mole rat pointing to the car.

Ron nodded and pulled an old tablecloth he used at the beach. Taking a can of instant hair his dad had left in the glove compartment Ron spelled out We're Open in big bold letters using Rufus to help him hang the sign on the shutters.

That done, Ron continued back inside the story and back into his routine, coffee filter, coffee grounds, pot and hot water hence press on switch. Next check the paper racks as the next thing after picking up a cup of coffee was picking up the papers. The Middleton Bugle wasn't there yet.

"Does it never end?"

'just save up all your nickels and dimes  
let's see what you'll find  
and you know'

Grabbing some quarters from the cash register, Ron headed down to the end of the strip mall to a set of newspaper boxes, The Upperton Times, The Middleton Bugle, and the Lowerton Drudge. Popping two quarters into the Bugles machine he opened the box wide and removed all the papers. As the door slammed shut two quarters fell from the change dispenser that Rufus rushed to pick up and return to his master's pocket.

"Thanks buddy." Ron said with a sigh.

Plopping the papers into the rack, Ron trudged around the counter and to the cash register, Rufus joining him by leaning against the cash register.

"Same Shit Different Day little buddy" Ron waxed

"Yeah" Rufus agreed.

Next: Villianification and Jay and Silent Bob!

Authors Note- This fic is the result of a jumbo pixy stix around two in the morning followed by a viewing of the tenth anniversary of Clerks while my friend drowned on about Kim Possible. Personally I always wanted to do a fic of this magnitude but I'm still fuzzy on the details. If I could get some feedback as well as suggestions for who should fill the roles of Jay and Silent Bob, I'm thinking Drakken and Shego. I know this may not be in character for Ron but he isn't much of a morning person and he has grown since high school. Also this is neither a KP/RS or a bashing of such fics. For all those who are skeptical, just wait and see. Also if you don't like the placement of characters so far send in your suggestions and I might consider switching them. Sorry for making this note so long as well, all further notes will be shorter (hopefully).

P.S. the first song fragment is Bachman-Turner Overdrive's 'Takin'n Care of Business'

The second is the first song on the Clerks soundtrack, Clerks by Love Among Freaks. Keep it real, or at least lucid.


End file.
